Maybe we're not broken, just bent

In honor of Valentine's Day, I want to share with you one of my favorite relationship songs. It's called Just Give Me A Reason, by P!nk, and I love it because it beautifully captures that moment in a relationship when you realize you don't feel love -- and you want to.

You're not connecting well.  Resentments have been building up. You're feeling lonely, unappreciated. You're being judgmental and impatient. Perhaps you are scared. Scared that the love is gone forever. Scared that you've changed, or the other person has changed, or that your love wasn't even real to begin with. You feel trapped, angry, ashamed, stuck.

And then there's this song, with its beautiful lines: "We're not broken, just bent!"  "We can learn to love again."  "Nothing is as bad as it seems."  It is possible to start over.

You realize, perhaps, that all the pain you've been experiencing may not be the truth. That there is hope. And that all it may take is just one little gesture, one small reaching out, to shift everything. It doesn't matter how hard it's gotten, how much hurt there has been. You can re-commit any time. You have a choice.

As my friend Wendy pointed out in her recent blog post, it can be crazy-making to try to engineer the perfect Valentine's Day, especially when you're not "feeling it."  But let's not give the day more importance than it deserves. We have the opportunity to give and receive love every day, in any moment, and it doesn't have to be some over-the-top display.

This doesn't apply only to our romantic relationships, either.

For me, small acts of love include turning off my computer to connect with my daughter after school.  Staying an extra minute at bedtime to scratch my son's back, even when it's late. Looking up from what I'm doing when my husband comes home. Checking in with a friend, rather than telling myself that I'm too busy. I'm embarrassed to admit that more times than not I don't do these things. And yet choosing them makes such a difference.  

Small acts of love matter to the people I care about, and perhaps even more importantly, they matter to me.  They remind me that, even as distracted and self-centered and imperfect as I can be, underneath it all my love is not broken, and neither are my relationships. 

Your love isn't broken either.

Happy Valentine's Day!