Being celebrated as an adult

As a kid, I picked up that the responsible, grown-up approach to life is to not need or want anything from other people.

Children may need gifts and celebrations and special attention on birthdays and holidays, I gathered, but adults are supposed to be content with whatever they have and not ask for more.

I always wanted to be a "good" adult.

The trouble is, this forced "I'm fine; I don't want anything special" attitude doesn't work very well. It robs me of the joy of even thinking about what would delight me. It makes it harder for me to gracefully receive the gifts that are given to me. It's also unkind to people who care about me and would love to do something to brighten my day -- if only they knew what it was. 

This past Mother's Day, I noticed that I felt sad about not getting more attention from my family. In hindsight, I realized I would have loved for them to do things like make me breakfast, and share stories of what I've said or done as a parent that they appreciated. But how were they to know it would make a difference? I'd trained them to believe I didn't care.

This month I have a chance to do better. My birthday is coming up soon, and I've been having fun thinking about things that would delight me to receive. Generating ideas and being honest about it takes more time and effort than just saying "whatever you do is fine," but it also feels so much kinder to the people who ask.

It's also freeing to realize that, unlike what I used to assume about being a "good" adult, it's possible to be perfectly content with what I have and want more. It makes life more vibrant and interesting than just settling for what is. And it primes me to feel grateful for things even before I receive them.

One of the things I want most right now is to keep spreading my Signs of Kindness across the country, so a lot of what I’m asking for relates to that in some way: a pop-up tent for Farmer’s Markets, design help for some new posters, brainstorming sessions about different ways to re-organize my website.

What are some things you'd be delighted to receive from the people in your life? How do (or could) you help your loved ones give to you in ways that you enjoy? Do you also carry particular beliefs about being celebrated or appreciated as an adult? How well do they serve you?

I’d love to hear your ideas. And if you’d like to help with the Signs of Kindness mission, that would be great too. Use discount code BIRTHDAY on this site between now and July 27th, and you’ll save 25% on single signs, connection cards, and bumper stickers. :)